i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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