Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
