it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
