I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
