I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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