I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
