just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
