im six kinds of drunk right now
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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