Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You were trust falling into bushes
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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