Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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