you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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