where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
