ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
