Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
