What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
