I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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