I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize