I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
