I got chris browned last night
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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