on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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