Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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