walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
