oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
