he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
