No awkward lesbian experiences without me
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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