remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
