I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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