seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
