we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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