so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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