This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
