i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
