frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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