Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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