my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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