what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
