So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
