There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
