So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
