I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
