he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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