I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
