boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
