Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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