i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
