problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
