end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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