ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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