The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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