she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
