umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
