dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
