There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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