I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
