Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
