I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
