And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize