I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
