did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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