No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
