so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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