so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
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