worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize