Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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