got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
