32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
