I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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