I want to walk on stilts...naked
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize