Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
