i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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