btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
