He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
