So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's blow job season.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize