I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize